In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
