Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
