my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
