i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
