I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
