I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
