is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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