Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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