I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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