I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
