I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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