If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just threw up on my dentist
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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