um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
