He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
