We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
