I think i peed on brittanys purse
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
this is an emotional support booty call
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
