I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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