Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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