Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
