Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
did i walk over a car last night?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
