if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize