There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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