My friends, they love my intelligence
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
