I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
