You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize