I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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