Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
