He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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