what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
