Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
