I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize