Say something about gay babies.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
