you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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