She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
