I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
