Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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