Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just had sex on a roof
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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