I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
