from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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