textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
