I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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