he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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