Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize