the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Your cock deserves a montage
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
