I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I need to calm my uterus...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
