Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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