i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
