please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
