I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
