So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
