fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
