I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
