life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
