remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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