At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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