oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
