Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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