Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I didn't notice because vodka
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize