im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
