So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
