i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
