Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize