So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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