Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
