I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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