peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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