dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
